This week at church I realized a shameful truth. I've been on a journey discovering, owning, burring, uncovering, renowning, embracing and planning for a dream that I've never even fully committed to God in the first place.
In the beginning it was about not feeling like the dumb girl in the room that could be creative. Every life skill but the marketable ones.
Then it was about acceptance of my intelligence and a fierceness that needed to develop before it turned from ignorance into stupidity.
Finally it became a passion and a little blog to help me plan for the dream to actually happen.
All the while I was acting out of fear as it seems is my life long struggle to choose between acting out of fear or acting out of trust in God. If you know God as your savior then you know what I mean.
I have spent the last years on this journey and I'm so glad that now is when I've arrived here. Part of me wishes that I could have made this moment cement in my heart sooner but God's timing is perfection. I've come to find this true in the testimonies of others and in my own life.
I'm prego. Three months and some change now-
God has other plans for this glass girl right now. Instead of choosing to let it terrify me. Instead of letting it make me run myself into the ground this summer doing as I had intended:
enjoy my time off teaching in
110 degrees of blissful hot blowing glass-
all summer long-
and building a portfolio so full and wonderful-
that it had to end up on-
Dragon Street in Dallas, Tx-
titled: My first solo show....
Instead of all that I will spend it surrendering to what God has for me
option #1- feeling well... I'll prepare for a new life in this world.
option #2 -feeling bad I'll ....I don't even know.
It is hard considering I have constant reminders of the work I want to do all around me from my years in college building a craft and a message worthy of saying through art. Prayers for this endeavor however menial it might seem in the grand scheme of things.
- HH out.