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Friday, April 29, 2016

Today...

Today doesn't feel like a gift. Today is a gift.
Today didn't feel nice. Today was nice. 
I didn't feel good after a visit. Yet the visit was a good one. 
So many times things don't feel like they should. Things are not what they seem. They are what they are and I must step back and breathe before I feel, breathe before I cry, breathe before I react. 

I love my husband and my daughter. I love my immediate and extended family - sometimes I feel sad no matter what. I can and will remember that God is good always, even when I'm seeing things not as they are but feeling them as they seem.
 I will follow Him and not just feel better but be better as well. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

All that she learns....

 I hope that I learn a ton this year. No. I hope that I learn and do not repeat a ton this year. 

It sickens me that I'm working while 8 hours a day my darling girl is at daycare where others are taking care of her for chump change in today's market of child care. Granted they do a fantastic job for chump change, but when you don't think that every little fart is precious coming out of a 7 month old it isn't like you feel that you are curing cancer. 

I can only imagine what it takes to work the job. 

I only know that I do consider every fart that comes out of that little teradayctal< sp? humanoid girl of mine is precious to me and that if it wouldn't cost me my marriage and serious harm to my relationship with God I'd rip her out of this wonderful care and selfishly carpe denim the heck out of each singular day I had with her at home. 

Can you tell I want to be a stay at home mom? 

Not yet. 

This is what I tell myself in hopes that yet will come someday. If it doesn't then I will have hell to pay in regrets only God can heal. I pray he heals all I have now for not preparing better. I will never live it down. 

I didn't know it would be this way. I didn't understand the love I'd feel. I absolutely though I would never be that woman who would gladly volunteer to change a million diapers over the years and want to have all the kids she could physically and financially. I thought I'd travel till' age 40 and then find some nice man to travel with some more with.  We'd retire and integrate into his already established generations somehow. That was my plan. God had other plans. 

This life chose me. This is God's plan. I will trust him each day if I choose it. Professionally and spiritually I pray I choose it. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Social media quandary

Wow! What a whirl-wind.... its been a while but that being said more has happened than time has allowed. This song pretty much sums up being a first year elementary art teacher, being certified, having a baby, helping your husband study for architect exams- all seven of them.... oh yeah and life as usual.



 This has been my life recently regarding this blog and all the other social media methods:



This is how I feel about my social media life. I want to feel connected with friends and family but somehow all I do is end up seeing them less and less the more I Instagram, Facebook, Facebook messenger, Pinterest or tumbler. I waste away my time on lusting after things and three second amusements that add squat to my life. 

Don't get me wrong I've learned and done a lot useful with these mediums of communication. But it hasn't helped me enough to outweigh the bad it brings with it. 

What do you use and how? I know the how makes all the difference.


Sunday, October 11, 2015

The Good with the Bad

I've finally learned in life that accepting the bad with the good does not mean you give the bad permission to happen. 

It does not mean that you have an expectation for the bad of life to fulfill its destiny.

If you can accept the bad that happens in this fallen world then you can truly enjoy the good. 

The bad doesn't spoil your day. It makes the good richer somehow.

 It makes the good more pure and something precious in our lives. 

Good things, simple or extravagant, seems as if they are the best version of themselves. 

As if every good moment is on an interview and nailing it.

There were a lot of hard times this past nine months but I'm in awe of how good life can be with my baby's life in the world.

Her story has just begun. While my story is the better for having her in it. 


Monday, February 23, 2015

Dream Givers

This week at church I realized a shameful truth. I've been on a journey discovering, owning, burring, uncovering, renowning, embracing and planning for a dream that I've never even fully committed to God in the first place.

In the beginning it was about not feeling like the dumb girl in the room that could be creative. Every life skill but the marketable ones.

Then it was about acceptance of my intelligence and a fierceness that needed to develop before it turned from ignorance into stupidity.

Finally it became a passion and a little blog to help me plan for the dream to actually happen.

All the while I was acting out of fear as it seems is my life long struggle to choose between acting out of fear or acting out of trust in God. If you know God as your savior then you know what I mean.

I have spent the last years on this journey and I'm so glad that now is when I've arrived here. Part of me wishes that I could have made this moment cement in my heart sooner but God's timing is perfection. I've come to find this true in the testimonies of others and in my own life.

I'm prego. Three months and some change now- 

God has other plans for this glass girl right now. Instead of choosing to let it terrify me. Instead of letting it make me run myself into the ground this summer doing as I had intended:
enjoy my time off teaching in
110 degrees of blissful hot blowing glass-
all summer long-
and building a portfolio so full and wonderful-
that it had to end up on-
 Dragon Street in Dallas, Tx-
 titled: My first solo show....

Instead of all that I will spend it surrendering to what God has for me 
option #1- feeling well... I'll prepare for a new life in this world.
option #2 -feeling bad I'll ....I don't even know. 

It is hard considering I have constant reminders of the work I want to do all around me from my years in college building a craft and a message worthy of saying through art. Prayers for this endeavor however  menial it might seem in the grand scheme of things. 

- HH out. 

Sunday, December 14, 2014

The shameless truth about glass artist

So rather than apologize for not posting I will not feel guilty and just start again. Lots happened. Lots has changed in my life but one fact remains constant as a glass artist: unless you are working in a third world slave shop punching out constant cookie cutter pieces, you will not do this for a living unless you make it into the select cycle of high art.
Note the ever popular: YouTube video
At Christmas this become highly evident as glass ordements sparkle and shine bringing joy to millions. I hang my few kept glass ordements made by moi on my tree with loving care and wistfully wish I had more to make. More demand. 

So here I am trying to make the best of the little orbs of bittersweet truth. My husband wanted more ordiments on the tree so here I go.


 I'd leave these this beautiful marron color if it wasn't still a childhood nightmare. My mom loved it as used it as an accent in her home everywhere as well as an entire room dedicated to it. We also grew up in a minivan ewe lovingly called the blood vessel it was the same color inside and out. So I'm changing the color. Here's how. 
First remove the stems:


Next clean up all the glass:


Then find some cardboard, might I suggest the box your new fireplace screen came in? And put the longest nails you can find in that mess of a garage still hopeful of redeeming anything but a wet hound after a hunt. Place the nails in it like so: 


Then place glass upon it like so:


I will spray paint these soon and then decorating will commence. Leave your color suggestions below. Also I apologize for the poor quality pics....husband was working on the electrical for the sake of all the little fingers coming to celebrate Christmas at our house this year. 


 

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

I'm Still Alive.

You know when you make that promise to yourself that you, 

"...will reach your goals…" 

and 

 " I'm going to blog more because it really seems to help me. " 

and then you arrive somewhere between, 

"… Yeah, I'm taking my summer off when it comes to my blog, it's common in the blogging world…"

and

 "…Oh, thats right, yeah. Yeah. Yeaaaah! ….

*ahem*

 ..I mean - YES!  I do have a blog."

Then they:



Well I'm still alive. I have more cards. My life these days is filled with being a teacher, struggling to stay on a health related diet, renovations continuing and somehow getting out of debt.

 I don't believe how fast time has passed and I owe this blog so much of what has happened in the last couple months. I want more of this change in my life so I will persist, even if there is no one out there reading.

 I'm still alive. I'm still gaining ground and I'm still in love with Jesus and who he is making me  into. I don't have much more than that but I don't need it. 

~HH